Marius, If it possible, please tell me more about the preresnt. Your relationship with Daniel – what kind of intimasy you meant. If there was no blood drinking, what there was? (if it’s very private question- don’t answer, I will understand)
Daniel and I were brought together because we both needed each other.
Let me clarify: he did not need me in particular. I decided to take care of Daniel because I was afraid that he, in his weak frame of mind, would bring upon himself or another some foolish, reckless end. Armand wanted nothing to do with him, which made me feel sympathetic, and in a way very responsible. Daniel was, long before he ever made, lost because Armand was lost and incapable of nurturing Daniel properly.
It could have been anyone to take Daniel under their wing. I chose to for reasons besides that I felt accountable to Daniel for Armand’s inability to love him properly.
I needed Daniel. I was alone and no one else could endure me– burned bridges everywhere I turned. Daniel, being newly made, came to me as one without the heavy burden of a complicated past. We simply did not have one, and so he had no reason to judge me. It was like a clean slate, something that I could make anew that was, at that point, utterly unsoiled. Unfortunately, also an attempt on my part to avoid recrimination and rejection.
Mostly, Daniel was inaccessible in mind and body. His connection with the real world was tenuous and fragile. I did not want to upset his increasingly delicate sanity, and so I catered to his whims and his idiosyncrasies. For nights on end, Daniel would exist in a blur, vague and ghost-like. I would take him to feed and make sure he was brought home and placed into a safe space for rest. He had no sense of self-preservation and lacked the ability to care for himself in the most fundamental, simple ways. It was frustrating and disheartening, but at least I was not alone. As time went on, he started to resent me that I cared for him so closely because he felt I was controlling him. But what else could I do? Let him wander around at night ravaging mortals? Lacking faculty enough to know to find sanctuary during the day? That is what he did in his long spells of madness. I would never take advantage of Daniel.
Sometimes, though, Daniel would “rouse.” When the sun set, the young fledgling that would emerge into the night was bright, coherent, and charming. That was the Daniel that Armand fell in love with, I think, and I was given the pleasure of experiencing it for myself. He really is quite beautiful and clever. Naturally, the two of us being who we are, we were sometimes very attracted to one another.
I never gave my blood to Daniel– I never would. Giving Daniel blood as powerful as mine would be irresponsible. He can barely maintain sanity with the blood that is in him.
For the most part, Daniel and I shared a common physical relationship. We would kiss and caress; we would ignite each others’ nerves with tongue and teeth, and utter abandon. He was always a very enjoyable and experienced lover.
I’m not certain if Daniel’s masochism was born with him or derived from the frankly abusive conditions of his relationship with Armand. As a lover of Armand, Daniel had been taught to hunger for suffering because it was only through great suffering that one could then find great relief. Armand made Daniel suffer for every little affection, denying him, torturing him, hurting him, and giving Daniel back only enough to ensure that Daniel was addicted to him and their terrible game.
Suffice to say, Daniel liked it when I would bite and drain him, and leave him a hungry and desperate creature weak and at my mercy. In return, he would give me his naked skin to enjoy. By no means an equal exchange, but mutually satisfying.