For me as a woman it would have been a little shock, remembering how I was as a girl. But I’m not judging you, neither do I say you’re bad. I was only thinking than I in Armand’s place would have been afraid of a man. Love or not, I would not have been able to bear it. I would have been a disappointment, you would never have gotten me naked into that bathtub. *Laughs* I see two options: First, I would have started to cry and would not have stopped until I would have been alone. Then I would have escaped. Or I would have sat down in a corner and retreated into my fantasy world. The effectiveness of doing so would have been limited of course.
I promise you, had I thought Armand would react so badly to my sexual advances, I would not have made them toward him. I have a most convenient ability to tell what it is a person is thinking and feeling. I knew both his physical and mental limits, just as I was aware of the abuse he had only just been rescued from. Armand was then, as he is now, a fighter, and that was why he was locked in that dark room as punishment. I’ve no doubt that, despite my kindness to him, he would have fought me if he did not want me. Though regardless of that, I knew his mind.
Though the curious thing is how these labels are given to me and me alone. No one questions Armand that he forced himself upon Bianca when they first were intimate. No one labels Bianca negatively that she too had a sexual relationship with Armand when he was quite young. No one condemns Lestat as a rapist for the fact that he took a poor mortal woman by force when he so ignorantly changed himself into a mortal. Yet I know what people call me, and what people perceive me to be, even if they talk around the accusations instead of just coming out and saying them directly: misogynist, pedophile, predator, and rapist. There was never a thing I did to him that was not out of complete love.
Oh well, to become Armand’s lover is not your fault. He is simply to adorable. I think none could resist him. *Laugh* As I read “The vampire Armand” I felt the passion and love between you two almost so much as I feel it now in these few words from you. I can understand you passion for him, so much I can understand Armand’s love for you.
Armand had such power over me. Unfortunately for me, he was a very clever boy. There were so many times I tried to resist him, to let him go so that he could live am untainted mortal life, but he would have none of it. I had fleeting desires to train him, to give him over to someone in marriage, to allow him to attend University, and then make a home of his own. I was tormented by the attachment I had fostered between us two because I knew that it could only end one way: with his immortality.
He made a fine study and art of knowing exactly which strings of mine to pluck to get his intended reaction be it anger, lust, or a combination of both. He quite liked pain, and any pain I caused him resulted in his own sexual arousal. I was, as they say, utterly wrapped around his finger. Not the other way around. I was his Master and demanded his obedience and his respect, but behind closed doors I was so very weak against him. Sometimes I felt like my love for him was going to tear me to pieces, and I was plagued by self doubt he cared only for the lifestyle I gave him, or only cared for me as far as our physical relationship was concerned. I think I needed to tell myself those things in order to find the strength to keep him at arm’s length. Finally, I had to concede that his love for me was as deep and true as mine was for him because I saw how horribly tortured he was at my absence. The more I pushed him away, the more he suffered. He tried to punish me by taking other lovers, by staying away night after night drinking and gambling, and I would get so angry at his lack of decorum and good sense, but at the end of it all I saw that his rage was coming from a deep desperate part of him that trembled for me. His love for me threatened to tear him apart just as much as my love for him, but he was too young to understand such things, and I was too blind to see it for much too long. I was his first love so I couldn’t have expected him to understand, and he was also terribly immature and spoiled.
Besides, show me one person who read the VC and and didn’t like the love scenes starring you and Armand. Ha.
Honestly, I was quite surprised that Armand recounted our sexual relationship so vividly. I had imagined his candor might be biased through his own subsequent and present resentment toward me. It was quite redeeming to know that what happened between us could not change the sincerity of what we once felt for each other. I had thought surely he would gloss over our past, or at least some of his animosity would come through. I was not expecting his fond honesty.
I could so easily fall in love with him again, and so I must keep my heart cold and far away from him.
Since we’re talking about passion and love: Lestat told me that he sleeps with mortals. (And with Louis now and then.) Sometimes with the blood stuff, sometimes without it. Armand says, to sleep with a mortal and kill a mortal during orgasm is the ultimate climax. And Celeste is pure sin in any case. How about you?
A human’s simultaneous orgasm and death is the ultimate vampiric climax, is it? Why am I not surprised that Armand would say such a thing? I imagine experiencing a mortal’s death and climax together would be quite incredible, though I have never done such a thing. I do not take someone to bed unless I fancy them, and I do not kill anyone I fancy. I would not kill a mortal I was being intimate with.
There are those immortals who, though they shall remain nameless, find a strange and seductive power in the hunt, the lure, and then the kill. They have illusions that they are sensual predators, which sounds so absurd to me when I think about it. To these few, killing is an intimacy easily equitable with sex, and so they find it quite seamless to entwine the two together into one act. Drinking from a person does fill us with considerable passion and pleasure, but it for me stops after a mere taste and not with mortal death. I will seduce someone to drink their blood, or to enjoy intimacy with them, of course, but I will not kill them. I find it quite distasteful to kill anyone unless they deserve it. I have no right to snuff out the life of an innocent mortal who has done nothing to cross me. Kill or hurt only those who deserve it, but enjoy the tender passions of innocent mortals and cause them no harm.
Can I sleep with mortals? Yes. Have I slept with mortals? Yes, I have, because humans have needs and desires that sometimes I wish to fulfill. The human body is so powerfully alluring, isn’t it? And humans fail to see it in one another because they all share similar qualities. To one like me, the nearness of a hot body is intoxicating; the heat radiates from the flesh and seeps into mine. It is no mystery why sometimes I desire this closeness and the resulting pleasure I enjoy from such a simple thing. During sex, the temperature of a body rises incredibly, and I feel every slight elevation with a keenness that I cannot describe. As they sweat and squirm and thrill, I get to experience it with them. Though I cannot experience a human orgasm myself, there are plenty of other sexual pleasures I am able to enjoy. I feel just as much pleasure from having my body touched and kissed, among sundry other wonderful acts, as any human.
It not an easy thing to be close to me physically. My body is not very comfortable, and it presents quite a shock to humans who press against me and hope to find flesh that is as responsive, soft, and hot as their own. Through clothing it is less obvious, but when clothes are removed it is hard for me to shield from them how hard and cold my body is. The many centuries I have more than Lestat makes my body very different from his, and so I cannot “get away” with it as easily as he can. I have to drink a considerable amount of blood to bring a comfortable enough temperature to my body, and my body processes the blood at a rate more rapid than a young vampire like Lestat or Armand. In any case, I prefer to use other parts of my body to pleasure a mortal. My hands and mouth are quite useful, and it also helps me limit the amount of skin to skin contact that is made.
Pandora has always liked to have me inside of her when I drink her blood. I don’t claim to understand it because it is not as if she can feel any pleasure from having me inside of her. It is just terribly sentimental. But she likes it and I like to drink her blood, so I am willing to give her her small comfort in exchange. I only ever really indulge if it is her blood, otherwise I take small drinks that are ultimately harmless and forgotten.