Musings · Present · Question

18+: If we may call it “Biological Lazarus”

I would think vampires would have a hard time “mating” with mortals, which is why I can see why you limit the touching and fondling to mouths and hands alone. To think of a male vampire actually entering a mortal male or female would lead me to think of bloody tearing and damaging the human body, considering our bodies are soft and tender in comparison to those of a vampire.

As a female vampire ages, her flesh becomes more like hardened marble. I understand this from the outside looking into the pages that vampires have written about their bodies. The vampires of the Millennia such as yourself and Pandora. I’m not saying she would do this, but if she decided to have sex with a mortal man, wouldn’t his phallic member break off or be damaged in some way if he tried to enter her as he would a mortal woman? Or are the inside places of a vampires intimate zones still soft and pliable, so to speak?

Let me preface by saying that I do hope that everyone will forgive me my blunt language. I am direct and frank, and I do not shy away from words that may make other people blush. I do not use certain words to be rude or crude, but to be direct and honest.

Now to the point.

You are too right to think that physical relations between a mortal and male immortal can be quite uncomfortable. Though there is no tearing or damage done unless that is the intent, which surprisingly sometimes is the case.

We can be gentle and very careful in how we touch humans. It is the reason why I am able to hug a human and not crush their chest cavity, or kiss a human without breaking their jaw, or even grab their hand without snapping every tiny delicate bone under my fingers. I am strong, and I know this, and so I know how to approach a human physically with a gentle and considerate touch. In a sexual act, unlike a human male driven by his own lust or his physical need to achieve sexual pleasure, I am able to keep my head about me and never lose myself in the act itself.

But I do not like it greatly. It just seems all rather pointless. Useless. I get nothing out of it, but more to the point, I find that hands and mouth are far more creative, and I get almost as much physical pleasure from my finger as I would my own penis. We do not orgasm, that is true, and it would probably be a very horrible thing if we did because I imagine the sudden appearance of blood would be startling.

What people do not consider is that our nerves are intact, all of them. Being immortal has not reduced the amount of nerves I have in my finger tips and body, but in fact only increased how sensitive I am to touch. Pinch my nipples and I will react with the same arousal and excitement as any human man because those nerves are still present, and still very important to my own sexual desires. No blood rushes to my penis to make it erect, but my heart beat quickens, my skin prickles, my stomach flutters and fills with delicious heat. There are still nerves in my penis, and it still feels very nice to have it touched because those nerves still respond, though not to the extent of actual erection and orgasm. We are not numb below the waist, we just are not capable of biological reproduction and its necessary processes.

A male orgasm, as pleasant as it is no matter its intended purpose, serves the primary function of reproduction. Because our nature of reproduction is a bit different, our bodies do not need the former ways and methods of its human form, and so we lose them.

In any case, I can keep myself at a distance and limit touching. It also avoids the expectation that I remove my clothing. At my age, blood does not go a very long way. A vampire such as Louis, even Lestat, can drink and their body will be fairly slow to process the blood, so they are able to remain human in tone and temperature for a considerable amount of time. Sadly, this is no longer my good fortune, not at my age. My body very quickly, as you could say, drinks the blood. Even if I were to drain a human dry, which I do not, I would only have an hour at most before my body would be its original ice cold and stony temperature. Anyway, were I full of blood, I doubt I could even fully achieve a true human body temperature.

As for female vampires, they are a bit more tricky. As even human females are physically. Everything with a man is so very cut and dry, but women are each individual works of art and tender instruments that need to be played just right, and no two are alike.

Certain parts of the body are made of mucous membranes. Vampires have these. We have eyes that appear moist and do not turn to stone. Our tongues and mouths remain pliant and wet, not cold and hard (we wouldn’t be able to talk otherwise and wouldn’t this be a shame). We have lungs that push out cold breath even if oxygen is not vital to our survival. We have beating hearts made of plump, wet tissue. Even after so many thousands of years, Akasha had a heart that was just as moist and soft as a human heart.

The walls of a vagina are made of mucous membranes. Just as the eyes or tongue do not grow hard and stone-like, neither will the inside of a vampire woman. Is it cold? Frankly, yes. Unless she has fed and brought human temperature back to her body, because we are not alive. Human arousal of course causes the vaginal mucous membranes to secrete fluid that makes penetration easier, and this is done as a way of encouraging sexual activity and thus reproduction. Therefore, much like an erection is not possible for a vampire male, a vampire woman can not secrete these fluids because her body does not need to welcome reproduction of this type.

Just the same, her nerves remain in tact, and I dare say she would enjoy a sexual act more than a vampire man would because a male orgasm is necessary only for reproduction, but female orgasm is not a necessary component of the overall process. For reproduction to occur, a woman need not feel any pleasure, and certainly not orgasm. Therefore it is not as necessary for our vampire functions and needs to entirely destroy her ability as it does for us of the male persuasion. Can she have a full orgasm, though? Not quite. And there is a reason for this, I think.

Some doctors believe that a female orgasm plays an indirect roll in reproduction. For instance, when a female orgasms, the walls of the vagina begin a steady pattern of constriction and release that typically last for a few seconds, sometimes longer if the partner is very successful. Some say these vaginal spasms are to help push male semen deeper inside, and thus indirectly assists insemination. Others say the female orgasm assists reproduction simply because it makes a woman enjoy the act and want to do it more, but then this would be the same for men. I am inclined to believe that one of the two must be true. There has to be something about the female orgasm that still lends to the ultimate purpose of procreation, and this must be why a vampire woman cannot have a full orgasm. They certainly do feel pleasure, more so than any vampire man because the role of their orgasm is only secondary, but they will never reach the pinnacle of pleasure just the same because there is still some underlying purpose for it that the vampire body considers unnecessary.

35 thoughts on “18+: If we may call it “Biological Lazarus”

  1. Ha. I love the name for this post!!
    It is great that you have a blunt language. All germans loves you for that.
    You explain it logically and in a way that’s easy to understand. I imagined it would be similar to that. But I have 2 questions.
    1 ) When no blood rushes to your penis, how do you get it hard? o.O Or can you control your blood in your body so well? If so, we have a new Olympic sport!! XD
    2 ) It is really interesting that a hard body like yours can be so sensitive. Hows that? How can the nerves are still so intact??

    1. 1 ) When no blood rushes to your penis, how do you get it hard? o.O Or can you control your blood in your body so well? If so, we have a new Olympic sport!! XD

      Unfortunately, it is not within my power to control my own blood flow, though I wonder if I should try that (not for the purpose that is the subject of this post, of course). I can control the blood flow in the bodies of others, so I wonder what would happen should I attempt to control mine.

      To answer your question, I cannot get an erection. But my skin is naturally hard, so there can be the false appearance or feeling of one.

      2 ) It is really interesting that a hard body like yours can be so sensitive. Hows that? How can the nerves are still so intact??

      I wish I knew, but I am most grateful for it. I think when the initial spirit invaded the body of Akasha and transformed her, it wished to feel as humans do, and indeed even amplify that sensation. So for that reason it preserved the ability to feel, to touch, and to experience pleasures of touch and taste. Sex is beyond the desire of preternatural things, but the want to have a body that experiences sensation is not. For that reason, here we are with our heightened sensations. I must say I am thankful for it.

      1. So no new Olympic sport! Ah to bad, would be funny to look at.

        Jaaaaaaaaaa try it, try it!! And tell me the results, in any details of course. And how do you control the blood flow in the bodies of others?

        Hmm but how fake thie younger vampires an erection? Lestat for example. He is not that hard as you are.

        Sounds as a logical theory. Ok, I can work with that. 😉

        I think I would be thankful as well. A life without sensation is a sad life.

        1. I control blood flow in a body the same way I control other powers– by using my mind to deconstruct the body through their skin and mould it through the force of my mind. Think it and it is so.

          Imagine for a moment you had some sort of power to shift matter. Before you sits a bucket of water, and next to it an empty bucket. A person offering you a challenge tells you to shift the water from one bucket to the other, but you cannot use your hands and you cannot simply pour the one bucket into another. You have to learn how to grasp water and move it. Water is something that we cannot grasp, it pours from between the fingers until our palms are left grasping nothing.

          But then one must learn to see water as something that cannot be touched or moulded, but rather something that you can divert like a dam or reversing a pipe. With my mind I create a mental wave that erupts in their body, and this wave I use to push the blood in whatever direction I wish it. I can send it all to their head at once, all to the heart, blowing both up in a moment. I can draw it out of ears and nose and eyes, and watch as they bleed to death with absolutely no wounds. I can light the blood on fire with another gift and watch as a person burns from the inside out. I can see the blood and I can hear it, and I use those senses to make the blood mine to manipulate. I can crush a person just by wishing it so, and without having to even so much as lift a finger or rise from my chair.

          Men do not have to be fully erect to penetrate another person. I believe a lot of men now benefit from medications that help them achieve full effect, but not yet all men. His body is hard enough that I am sure he is quite effective at whatever task he sets it to.

  2. Marius, you just earned the badge of biological consistancy =D.
    So if you don’t orgasm, do you pretend you would when being with a human? Or is it inevitable they know about your nature once intimacy has reached that point?

    1. I just realised I wrote nonsense. Men can’t fake an orgasm. *grins* Now you know how limited my practical experience in this matter is.

      1. Experience in those matters is highly overrated and entirely unnecessary to a certain point. But your innocence does make me smile, and not in a way that is mocking or intended to infantilise.

        1. This inexperience has brought me into akward situations in the past. But I confess usually I have to laugh about it myself most of the time.

        2. Fortunately, we all have those awkward moments. I can still remember so many of mine in blinding detail. That is part of the charm, that it is imperfect. And then so are.

    2. Well thank you! I do try to make my theories as logical as possible, and I do hate it when people find loopholes in my arguments.

      Even if I could pretend, I would not. Not because it is dishonest, but because I should think I would feel very silly.

      1. Hehe, I’m quite good at finding loopholes in anything that has to do with biology. I’m not a fusspot and I think creativity and imagination are at least as important as sience but…just never watch “Resident Evil” with a biologist 😉

        Haha, yes it would be silly indeed. But in general: are you a good actor?

        1. I saw the most recent Resident Evil movie a few nights ago. I’m certain the person watching with me wanted to jab me with their elbow over my incessant cries of, “but this makes no sense.”

          I am a wonderful actor. You have to be when you navigate the world with caution, when you must shroud yourself in a lie for the sake of others. I lie with every breath I take, as do we all, to fit into the world. I can be whatever I need to be when I need to be it. Masks come easy. Why do you ask?

  3. Umm but men can fake an orgasm….Granted, I have not experienced in this, but I’ve read alot about it.

    And yes, you explained wonderful! A real teacher you are. 😀

    1. I am sure a man could make all of the sounds and motions of one, but I think a woman would become curious when she notices that there was no fluid emitted from him at the time. If she indeed pays attention enough to see, which granted she may not.

  4. This is great information, and very explanatory. There were certain bits and pieces that I was curious about vampires, certain bits that weren’t really explained in TVC and certainly not to this extent. So thank you for explaining this to us.

    It is interesting that vampires are “aroused” by touch and that yalls bodies react to it, and yet you all cannot get the great and final orgasm. I guess in a way the touching and kissing for a vampire is better than what we mortals feel during an “O”? It’s sweet that you take care of your mortal lovers physical desires, and find your own brand of pleasure in pleasing them.

    Also, I’m intrigued by the fact that yalls tongues, eyes, and organs within your bodies are still soft, yet unable to produce your own heat. It makes sense, I don’t reckon a vampire could speak his/her thoughts with their voices if yalls throats were bone dry like I’d previously thought. 😉

    Now I’m really inclined to wonder what mortal wouldn’t positively adore having a mortal cuddle buddy. Who would even need sex if they had a vampire companion? I would think sex would be the last thing on their minds.

    1. We are still able to enjoy the swell of pleasure, the flooding of it through our limbs, and its peaking crest. Isn’t that the same as what a mortal feels during their own sexual release? Yet ours is done through the sharing of blood. So in a way, we are able to feel much the same, only brought about by a different method.

      What would you prefer to do with an immortal friend or companion?

      1. I can see why some vampires like to feed off the mortals who are in the throes of their orgasm. But to be honest, a vampire wouldn’t get as much from me because it is rare that I experience pleasure like that. We all have different desires, and different levels of orgasm. First off, I highly doubt a vampire would stroll up into my home and lock onto the love of my life and drain us both dry while we were making love. I certainly wouldn’t be found making whoopee with a complete stranger, I just don’t think I would enjoy it. I know some do, and more power to them, but I’m different. Yes, when the foreplay is done right and the time is right the orgasm sounds much like what you vampires take from blood. 🙂 It’s really interesting to think about.

        I would do whatever they might want to do, and if they said the same thing to me then I would probably give them a massage with essential oils, or take a bath with them and just soak up the heat. Maybe I would watch them kill and drink the blood of a mortal, if that is what they liked then I would naturally accept it and love them through it. On another night, we might pick flowers together and put them in each others hair and just run naked in the night together. Just for the heck of it. Of course, not in public, but out with the trees, streams, and wildlife where nudity is appreciated. I do enjoy dancing, and it seems many love to dance, so I would probably have my companion teach me the ways of dancing that they learned throughout the decades or centuries. 😀 Maybe this sounds silly, but I would be open to do whatever they might enjoy really. God forbid that my vampire companion loved to read, I would probably build a nice fire and end up reading to them while we enjoyed the play of fire. Just before bed, I would have that lovely soul read stories of the past to me just before he/she went underground for the daylight hours. I would be waiting for them once they awakened for the night and I know I wouldn’t ever grow weary of their company. We would always find something new to do together. Ha, sounds wild huh? It’s a good thing there aren’t any vampires around here in my neck of the woods or all my nights would be spent with them. They might just kill me instead, and I can’t say I would regret the life I’ve lived or the people I’ve loved. hehe. 😀

        1. I have fed from a mortal who was at that moment experiencing orgasm. Armand and I had quite a creative intimate life together. At the whim of his insatiable boyish desires. I can’t blame him entirely, but suffice to say he and I experimented together when he was a mortal.

          Your way of spending an evening mirrors my own; we are much the same in how we like to spend our time. Pandora and I have spent plenty of nights together naked in a walled garden, and she loved to pick flowers and play with them. She would make them into crowns for her hair, or weave them into braids, and even make necklaces and bracelets from them. One time she made a small ring and asked me to place it on her. And reading by a quiet fire is what I like to do most in this world. I find much peace in silent contemplation, and it is a special thing when you find that one companion who can sit in silence with you, whose presence is a comfort rather than a distraction.

        2. At the whim of “his” insatiable desires hmm? Does this add fuel to the part where you were his slave behind closed doors? ha! 🙂 I imagined yourself and Armand had done more things than what he talked of in his books. Books do not always have the room to include all of it sadly. But, it leaves room for questions and that is a very good thing I think. These intimate moments you shared with him, how creative did you both get? If I may ask, what did you enjoy the most in these times with him?

          That sounds lovely, she and I have the flower picking in common also. I would imagine her jewelry is beautiful considering she has had lots of practice over the centuries. 🙂 Sometimes just picking flowers and placing them in a vase brings something fresh to a room also, hmm? 🙂 I couldn’t live my life without being around lush flowers and nature from time to time. I would go mad without it. Did you both do this together from time to time, Marius?

          There is nothing more annoying that trying to read, draw, or even listen to music lightly…while someone is gnawing away with their noise. I know why they do it, it’s because they want attention. That’s what I think. And as much as I hate it sometimes, I also love it because it shows me that I am worth the effort they might put into trying to annoy me. It shows me they want me, and if it’s just for the sake of annoying me and nothing more then I tend to not tolerate it. There is a difference I think. 😉 What are your thoughts on this? Does it anger you when someone just pesters you for the heck of it? You know, just out of annoyance instead of true curiosity? I ask because can’t take it. haha. 🙂 Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you to break out in song anytime soon. heh. :p

          When I spend my “quiet” times I rather enjoy music and lighting candles, when my creativity hits on my spare moments then I have to just sit back and do my own thing without being disturbed with too much chaos or I get cranky. It’s not that I don’t love people, because I really do, it’s just that there are some moments that I need my personal space and usually they can’t sit still and enjoy those peaceful moments with me, so I let them know to just please let me be for a little while. I also have a tendency of leaving the room or just getting in my car and driving for some fresh air when someone frustrates me, it keeps me from “blowing my top off” in anger, but I usually come back and talk when I’m ready. So, I can relate to your words here quite a bit.

          What are some of your favorite “go to books”? Do you have any favorites in particular?

        3. These intimate moments you shared with him, how creative did you both get? If I may ask, what did you enjoy the most in these times with him?

          He had always been a daring boy, and I think I sowed the initial seeds of my own destruction by sending him out to learn the creative arts of the physical body. Armand was always quite insistent in showing me what he had learned, though he found certain tricks not to be effective in ways he had hoped. But it was a period of learning for us both, and we adapted to each other to be well satisfied lovers.

          What did I enjoy most? His blood, of course. And his sincere devotion, trust, and loyalty.

          I couldn’t live my life without being around lush flowers and nature from time to time. I would go mad without it. Did you both do this together from time to time, Marius?

          Pandora and I both share a mutual love for nature. I have always made it of great importance to have my own private garden, or to fill my home with flowers. I do it more for beauty than for the greater feminine appreciation enjoyed by Pandora. We would both go mad if we were unable to walk through woods, or pick flowers. I may not be sentimental about nature, but I love it just the same.

          What are your thoughts on this? Does it anger you when someone just pesters you for the heck of it? You know, just out of annoyance instead of true curiosity?

          I think it would depend on my mood and the sort of work I was trying to finish, and especially if the work was important or had a deadline. Usually I do not procrastinate enough to need to worry much about time. If I am trying to seriously work, I will get very annoyed. You would hear nothing from me the sounds of annoyed sighs. Do not even try to touch me or you will get a deadly glare.

          When I am working at my own leisure, for my own pleasure, I do not mind very much. I may feign to be too busy to give attention, but that is really because I am waiting for proper appeal. In that case, it is very fun.

          What are some of your favorite “go to books”? Do you have any favorites in particular?

          I have a tremendous volume of favourite books. Paradise Lose by John Milton, The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer, The Triumph of Caesar by Steven Saylor, The Divine Comedy by Dante, Imperium by Robert Harris. Really, anything from the middle ages or any sort of “good” fiction that takes place in Rome.

          What about you? Give me your list of essential books.

        4. I can’t say that I’ve heard of most of these books. I’ve heard of Chaucer, and of Julius Caesar but I can’t say that I know much about them aside from what I heard in history class when I was younger. I really need to study up on my history Marius, but I have to be in the mood for history before I can retain it and appreciate it. If only I could escape the here and now that I limit myself to. The books I read and never tire of include: “The treasury of the familiar” by Ralph woods, and various books of erotica in written form and in pictorial form, the vampire chronicles of which I have almost every book that Anne Rice has written, and different astrology books that I’ve studied on and off over the years. Astrology and Numerology are like math and they are like puzzles which keep me occupied and interested. Yet, I do not base my life around it completely. There are always loopholes in information. My taste in books are eclectic, which is why I skip around from erotic writings and paintings onto the paintings and writings of Thomas Kinkade. I enjoy reading and discovering works of art that make my heart leap and clutch with emotion whatever it may be. Currently I am reading a self help book called “Kiss my tiara: How to rule the world as a smart mouth goddess” and so far I love what I am reading. 😀

          Reading of Armand intrigued me in that he had such a rebellious and loving nature when it came to the time he spent with you and in your tutelage. It was as if you were his drug and he yours. You encouraged him to get a feel a feel of the world yes? So i think it rather sweet and beautiful that he would bring his knowledge back to you and share it intimately. I have to admit I can see why he busted your door down in his frustration to talk to you long ago, I mean wouldn’t that sort of silence make anyone go out of their minds with pent up frustration to be heard and answered? Then, I can also relate to why you were silent just the same.

          May I ask what you mean when you say that you are not sentimental about nature?

        5. How to rule the world as a smart mouthed goddess? Is that some sort of humour-based self-help book? What is one of the ways in which one may rule the world as a smart mouthed goddess?

          I underestimated Armand at first. I think because I took his youth to mean that he would be fickle or too innocent to love a creature like me. But I was most surprisingly, and to my delight, wrong. He was absolutely an innocent, even given the nature of our intimacy and his increasing sense of awareness of what I am, but he loved me. I had foolishly imagined that if I forced upon him the pleasures of mortality and the flesh, he would gain a taste for it and his taste for me would fall out of favour. Very rarely have I been so wrong. Because for Armand, our love wasn’t about flesh and pleasure and humanity, it was simply about love. It was love in and of itself, pure and without guile, that transcended meagre qualifiers of human desire.

          But to love a monster? With each passing day I saw that my lust and my craving for his body and blood stripped away more of his innocence. I do not think that I can be blamed for my silence, for my selfless want to let him keep all that remained buried. Despite that he would have none of it and was only content when he was in my arms and my teeth were driving into him. It meant more to him that temporary passions of strange, hot flesh. Because it was a bond created not from superficial lust, but from real love. He surprised me every night of the time we spent together, and every night I fell deeper and more in love with him. I was such a slave to that boy.

          What I mean about my not being sentimental about nature is that I do not attach any deep emotional meaning to the world of nature around me. My eyes do not gloss over when I am in a field of beautiful flowers, I do not gasp when I see them in lovely bloom. I do not feel a spiritual connection to snow or mountains or the sea. Nature is there, it is beautiful and infinite, and there is little else more relaxing or pleasing than sitting in my own garden or walking alone along a beach or grove of trees, but rather nature brings me peace, not passion.

        6. Yes, that’s exactly what it was. Yet I didn’t find it too humorous the more I read, instead I found myself flipping through the pages and putting it down due to frustration. This is what I gathered: Supposedly we women are all born Goddesses… We just need to master a “bat out of hell and into stilettos” kind of attitude – and in doing this, we women can then take the steps of ruling our own worlds… as is our right as Goddesses. I can’t say that it helped me much, I couldn’t even finish the book.

          In your opinion, what do you think keeps you both from opening up to one another and reigniting this love once more?

          Could you find this sort of peace without nature?

        7. I have always been a reserved man and she has always been a stubborn and proud woman. We are more than a mortal couple who have had a few years of mistakes and insult. We have centuries of pride and anger separating us. Working through all of that is complex and frustrating. Neither one of us can relinquish any of our pride to the other.

          I find my greatest peace in books and in solitude. I find it on my couch, with my pillow resting beneath my head, and a book in my hands.

        8. I can see where that would make it difficult for you both to reignite the lovebugs once more. Well I hope the both of you may find a way to work this bridge of separation out. I can see that it is infinitely deeper than what my mortal mind can comprehend, I am no vampire and I’m still quite young for a mortal woman. We mortals think that a month or even a year of fighting is hell, but love holds people together and makes them quitters or fighters. I can’t imagine what it’s like to fight for centuries like this so I don’t really know what to say. I can’t find comforting words to leave you here because it’s over my head. But for what it’s worth, I do hope you both find peace and love together in the future.

          A couch, pillow, and a book, this sounds like a peaceful evening indeed. No drama… no screaming, or jumping on furniture, or flying pots of flowers and paintbrushes… haha. 😉 Though these things have their charms also, during the right moments and company. :p

        9. You and me both. There is no doubt that we love each other immensely, and she and I both respect one another. But when we are in the same room, it is only a matter of time before we start fighting.

  5. I saw the most recent Resident Evil movie a few nights ago. I’m certain the person watching with me wanted to jab me with their elbow over my incessant cries of, “but this makes no sense.”

    😀 You would make a great member of our little movie night group.

    I am a wonderful actor. You have to be when you navigate the world with caution, when you must shroud yourself in a lie for the sake of others. I lie with every breath I take, as do we all, to fit into the world. I can be whatever I need to be when I need to be it. Masks come easy. Why do you ask?
    I ask because acting is a fascinating thing and I ponder about the “why” and “how” of this abilty sometimes.
    Are there situations in which you can only be yourself, where no mask would be convincing? (Apart from sex)

    1. I think the only situation I can be myself in is alone in the company of Pandora in our home. I don’t have to worry about what she will say or feel, or how she will judge me. Others have heavy expectations for me. I must always be a certain way; Marius is as constant as the tides, as stoic as a philosopher, as serious as a God. For the most part, I live up to these expectations and they are very me. But we are not one sum of things, are we? All of us have our various faces and manners.

      Around Pandora I can make stupid jokes that not even she will laugh at– that only I laugh at. I can watch something funny and give what she calls my “ugly laugh.” I can walk around in one sock because I got distracted before pulling off the other. I can spill something all over myself and look like a complete idiot. I can make strange poems with magnets for her each night. I can be every bit of the playful person I have always been, but can be to so few because I am, ultimately, what my friends need me to be: the part of me that is wise and quiet and stoic. One of the many faces I wear, each as true as the other.

      1. I think I know what you mean. The existence of various facettes of the same person in a single mind is a topic I spent lots of thougths on and still do. The outcome was a text, a remarkably long one for someone who loves to use words as efficiently as possible.
        But back to you: What exactely is it about Pandora that makes you feel so free and unrestricted? The fact that you’ve kown each other for such a long time? Her personality? Your love?

        1. As it would happen, I have never really stopped to think and enumerate my theories on why Pandora is for me that one special person.

          One reason is because she is the only living person who knew me as a man. When I met her, I was in my early 20s, young, energetic, happy, with all of the sense of infallibility that comes with being young. I was smart, rich, and important. She is the only one who has seen that side of me, at least the only person who walks this earth. So there are times when she is next to me and I remember what it felt like to be that young, that carefree; I remember what it was like to be a young man who could chase a little girl like a bear and have much too much fun.

          Another is that Pandora and I connect with one another on an intellectual level that I have never had with any other, not in the entirety of my 2000 plus years. We share the same interests, the same loves, the same essential thirst for knowledge. Of course I use reason and she is given to fantastical thought, far too invested in mythology and fantasy, but that variation is but a small and insignificant matter when we can together search for knowledge.

          Also important is that Pandora possesses a most uncanny ability to understand and read me. She can see through my words, a fact that creates no small measure of annoyance to me. She can read my expression. She can let me go silent for days, content because she need not have my words to understand what it is I want or need, or even mean to say. She finishes my sentences. she knows what I want even before I do.

          Pandora also knows what I need sometimes when even I do not. And all it takes is a simple touch of her hand to take all of the stresses of life away. Misery can’t exist in the same space as her smile, and her easy, effortless warmth sends away all my sadness.

  6. Isn’t it miraculous to have a love like that. Where nothing need be said between you for hours or days? Where just the presence of the other person is comfort enough. And yeti, sometimes, instead if being easier, such deep loves like that are harder, because you can hide almost nothing from each other. Without the slightest change in your expression they are able to read every anger, hurt or annoyance as if you had shouted it though a bull horn. Loves like that make you go crazy, because it is sometimes so difficult to live with that person, they know so well how to hurt, how to wound, how to go straight for the heart if they want, and yet, you don’t feel complete without them for very long.

    1. I am all too familiar with this. It ceases to be a comfort that one can never hide their feelings or failings, no matter how hard they try, and then it becomes better simply to avoid being with this person. It would seem, at least to people who are naive and romantic, that to have your heart exposed would make it easier to love because your lover will know you completely. But we all need some privacy. Sometimes the heart needs to be silent and unknown, such that we do not have our secrets exposed without our consent. A constant source of stress. This is exactly what keeps Pandora and me apart.

      1. Yes, exactly. To be with them sometimes seems a punishment, an ordeal to be overcome and all you yearn for is space, quiet, solitude. And yet when you are apart you feel as if you are missing a vital piece of yourself.

        However did you survive when she left you for the first time? Did you know ou would see her again or did you fear what time and space could do?

        1. I do not know how I survived some nights, but I surrounded myself with purpose. I always had Akasha to care for, and I loved her too much to abandon her. Plus, I knew that Pandora was somewhere, and that alone was enough to keep Akasha and me alive.

          Did I fear what time or space could do? No. In fact, I was so naive that I thought nothing of time and space, and neither did I fear the consequences of either. I could not have known that in leaving Pandora, I would not see her for 1400 years. I gave no thought to what time and space was truly capable of, and the damage both could cause. In reality, the damage I caused. Yes, so horribly and criminally naive. I stormed off with my pride and worldly possessions thinking in the back of my mind that Pandora and I would be reunited soon enough. Had I known.

          It was the worst mistake of my life.

  7. Okay, I hadn’t seen this post when I asked you on your submission on Armand’s temptations. This was very helpful. Thank you again for being honest and just straightforward about things. Keep it up 🙂 This site is just great! Best, Hannah

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