Armand/Amadeo · Musings · Past

Submitted: Daniel

I wonder where Danny is now. …Back then, as Daniel was lost and apathetic. How was it for you to see him suffer? You dont know him well, right? What have you did to comfort him? So good as it was possible of course.

Had I been at Daniels place, I would have been absolutely desperate. And nothing could have helped me.

I loved Daniel, and I still do, though I imagine he feels that I resent him or judge him harshly. He left my care to return to Armand, and has since, for reasons beyond my understanding, forgotten me. I wonder if he ever had any love for me, but to hope now is beyond the weary possibilities of my heart.

Daniel is of my blood. I found him lost and alone, and I felt it was my duty to protect him. Not only to preserve his life, but also to make sure that when Armand wanted him back, when Armand once again needed him, Daniel would be there. Armand has lost so much that I will spend my eternity seeing to the preservation of all he wants and loves. I will never let Armand lose another thing, certainly not someone he loves. That is why I cared for Daniel, and that is why Benji and Sybelle had to be. Yes, Armand resents me for all, but I know in my heart I have spared him from a pain worst that the betrayal he sees. As it happened, I inadvertently began to love Daniel and was very sad when he recovered his senses and prepared to leave me. It was never a mutual sharing of affection.

I did not care for Daniel for thanks from either Armand or Daniel, or even to be loved in return by Daniel, but I admit that I had wanted just a bit that he would come to. It was a foolish desire, and one I know better than to think now.

9 thoughts on “Submitted: Daniel

  1. Why do you feel as if Daniel resents you, Marius? Does it have to do with you becoming his caretaker when he was out of his senses. Or does it have to do with Armand and what happened between the two of you?

    1. I think Daniel’s feelings are the result of many different interactions between the two of us.

      I think Daniel resents me because he feels I intentionally infantilised him. Daniel thinks that I treated him like I would a child because I had no respect for him. I was only trying to care for him the best way that I could. It was not that he was a child, or even childlike, but rather that he was not operating with his full faculties. I only wanted to protect him and do what was best for him until his mind returned.

      I did not do anything to him maliciously.

      I also think that Daniel believes I did everything for Armand, and only for Armand. That the only reason he had value to me was because of some long suffering love in my heart for his maker. Perhaps that was why, initially, I collected him, helpless and confused, and brought him into my care. But it was not the only reason why. I came to love him more with each passing night, so it was really quite hard when he made his abrupt exit never to speak with me again.

      We had our moments of closeness, and I cherish those. I realised after the fact, pondering the few moments of intimacy that we shared, that I was a substitute for Armand. But I did not mind.

  2. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I sense a lot of guilt in your words. From what I’ve read, and from what you just told me, I believe that you did what was best for Daniel. I think Daniel is suffering from a great deal of his own troubles, and from my experience, when people are suffering they often take out their anger, frustration, or hurt on an innocent person. I know that I’ve done it countless times. I can’t remember how many times I’ve blamed my mom or my best friend for the troubles that my ex boyfriend and I had. It’s just a human action, and Daniel became a blood-drinker in 1985, which makes him really, really young. At least in my opinion.

    Anyway, what I”m trying to say, Marius, in this long-winded phrasing, is that I don’t see you as a bad person at all. I hope that you can forgive yourself for both Armand and Daniel. Because ultimately, they have to be the ones to recognize their troubles. Even for a man (which I still see you as) of your power, it is still almost to impossible to protect everyone.

    I hope this helps. I suck at giving advice.

    1. I carry around a lot of guilt over what happened between Daniel and me. I reflect and think to myself that perhaps I should have been warmer, kinder, more tender. That perhaps if I had displayed the affection Daniel craved, which he never received from Armand, he would have recovered himself sooner. He is still very young, very weak, and very delicate. I wonder how long it will be until he again loses himself. It was the way of his mortality, a natural part of him, so I suspect he will always be so. Immortality may cure physical malady, but mental illness seems to remain fairly untouched.

      But what pointless hindsight.

      I think I could forgive myself if they were to forgive me.

  3. In the end, you do not you wear your heart on your sleeve. And he knews how much you love Armand. So, yes, Indeed, it could be that he thought that. I think I would have thought so, or at least in a similar way.

    What all have you shared together? Have you drunk for his blood? Or he from yours?

    1. I had thought to give Daniel my blood to strengthen him, but what stopped me was his relative instability at the time. He could scare endure the strength given him through Armand’s blood. To have mine might have exacerbated his troubles, made him despair even more, because he would have been further from the humanity he had lost his grip on.

      Perhaps I will write on it one night.

      1. Very logical and reasonable, as always. I think you made ​​the right decision.
        But you know, when, the great Marius do something unreasonable or nasty is that a wonderful sin…or blessing. It is always nice to see that side of you. ^.^

        That would be wonderful! 🙂

  4. Hello Marius. I hope you are well after all these years. I see you haven’t been active for a while. I have a question to ask you that I’ve wondered about for a long time. What is it about vampire blood that can drive a human mad? Or a weaker vampire for that matter? The Vampire Chronicles touch on it here and there but don’t adequately explain it. Thanks.

    1. There is a lot of power in our blood. A mere drop of it can bring a human to feel the world, with all senses, as never before. The intensity is, at once, transcendent and liberating. At the same time, frightening because it feels limitless and infinite. Needless to say, it is addicting. Why go back to seeing monotone when you’ve seen the world in utter splendor? Yet it is driven by hunger and desire, which are easily corrupted– I suppose any philosopher of the bygone ages would agree to that. And I think there is something venomous to the blood. No, not in the way of a spider bite, but a creeping poison. I can’t say for sure whether that is true to the blood or something more philosophical. The hunger for the blood drives humans mad, and the blood is not meant for a human body. We die so that we can endure it– such a thing could only cause death. It creates what is must in order to continue. A survival trait? So what of a weaker species with no such strength? That it cannot endure.

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