Even if Akasha did think only of herself in the end, did you resent her schemes?
I resent very much, and most of what she did. I was blessedly ignorant of her nature and malice. I refused to believe it when Pandora said that Akasha brought us together because I could not accept that I was her puppet. It was barely tolerable that I was her servant. Oh, I knew in the back of my head the truth, I knew she had done it, but I was loathe to admit it.
As long as Akasha stayed still, as long as she remained the perfect silent Queen and Goddess, I could lie to myself about who and what she was.
In those moments when I stopped to think, really consider, that she was leading me in the direction that she wanted me to go in, that I was being manipulated, I did not question her judgement. I simply accepted it for what it was. Because I thought that she loved me, and that she in her majesty knew what was best for us all. The mother. I would tell myself that what Akasha wanted was indeed the best, and I never questioned my own heart to decide what it was that I wanted. So I suppose that I am as much to blame for living in ignorance willingly.
Though Akasha need not have deceived and manipulated me. I would have done just about anything for her if she had asked. Had I not, as a weak and newly made vampire, run half the world to rescue her? Had I not defended her at the expense of my heart and soul? That was the cruellest thing of all, I think. She could have just spoken in love, but I was not worth that.