In your old eyes he really act shameless. Of course, he wasn´t a saint but for someone like you, for someone who is used to have power and nobody against him, it was quite a shock, right?
One is for sure, I would have also taken the ax and killed your door. No matter if you would beat me or not. As I read these lines I just though: „Right you are! Go Amadeo, go. And beat Marius too!“ lol
I am used to power because I command it and earn it, and plenty come against me.
True, there are many who defer to my judgement because they understand that I have intellect and experience, and a wisdom that makes me see clearly through the years and beyond into the future, though unfortunately this looking glass is clouded when I try to look at myself. Those who concede authority to me do so because they respect me, and this I have earned. I do not expect obedience and deference from everyone. Even I am not that insufferable.
I was not some Master imposing my will on Armand. You must consider the time, the era, and behaviour expectations. I was Master of the household and all under my care were expected to obey me. This is a strange concept to people who grow up under the comforts of modern theory of behaviour and child development. We had no such information at our disposal, and rather favoured discipline and authority. I was Master of the household and Armand was expected to obey my will or, yes, be punished. I was never cruel to him. I only disciplined him when occasion required it.
It must also be considered the nature of my relationship with Armand and the people we were then. On a more personal level, I was his Master in a very intimate way. More than the father-like authority of the household, but a lover who treated him with necessary severity or extreme worship as his behaviour dictated. I assure you, this was as much Armand’s desire as it was mine.
I admit, the whipping was much too severe for a tender mortal boy, but I was very angry and full of my own secret grief, which I could never burden him to confide. I was mean to him and I hurt him, but I soothed his wounds quite well, I think. Though you know this. You read the scene.