So then my next questions are: given all that you endured; the pain, the loss, but also Bianca. Would you endure it again now knowing the outcome? If this did not befall you do you think you would have had the easy and close relationship with Bianca that you did share? Would you have otherwise given her the Blood?
Before I found Amadeo, I was terribly tempted to give Bianca the blood. I wanted a companion, but I was not desperate, only lonely. My love for her, even in the early stages, was true and sincere.
When I met Bianca, I thought to myself: there is this pretty and delicate young mortal woman, delightful and worldly, and a murderess. What’s more, Bianca felt quite justified in her crimes because she felt herself the victim of her family’s schemes, not one who orchestrates, but rather a pawn. I knew her heart, and I knew well that she did not lie awake at night tormented by the murders of those men who came to be charmed by her titillating company. Unfortunate men who subsequently found themselves the recipients of her poisons.
What better sort of soul for immortality? Those who suffer crises of the conscience are not suited to the savagery of vampire nature. These are the ones that lament that they must exist by killing, and too often they seek the sun or death by other means. I knew that Bianca would not be burdened by those troubles, and immortality would suit her. She would drink blood without burden or regret.
I was charmed by Bianca’s cunning, her spirit, her desire for beautiful things. She compelled men to aspire to greater artistic achievement if only to please her. This woman was by no means a superficial hostess. She was a women of true learning, one who respected the values and possibilities of Humanism. She knew and appreciated art, not as a mere adornment, but as pieces of truth and wisdom. There was no ugliness in her soul despite what it was she did with her charms and poisons.
Though to answer your question: no. I do not think that I would have made her had I not needed to. You see, I wanted her to live. I had Amadeo and Amadeo had me, so neither of us necessarily needed a new companion, which is what motivates most makings. The two of us had decided together to make Bianca’s life one of pleasure and love, but to let her stay a mortal and die. Yet that assumes I know what history would have brought had it taken an alternate course. Amadeo was weak for her, and his love of her afflicted him painfully. I think that perhaps Amadeo would have made her. Or I would have succumbed to my deep love for her and made her myself. Who is to know?
I only wish that circumstances had been different. Bianca was made with such violence and fear. She screamed so very loudly when I grabbed and drank from her. Naturally, she forgave me, but I had always to that point made my children in love. I wish that the same could have been given to her.
Though I would endure this past again and again, if I had no hope to change it for the better, as I know she would, because we spent lovely years together. I could not have survived without her. Of course I would have survived physically; I would have gone to the Queen and healed with her powerful blood. However, it was Bianca’s sweetness and love that sustained me. Despite all that I had lost, I was able to hope because I had her sweet smiles and tender affections. When I felt burnt and ugly, she was there to kiss my face and tell me that she loved me. When I was seized by terrible pain, Bianca would give me pretty and sweet things to imagine. I do not regret her in the slightest.