18 thoughts on “Submitted: The Temptations of Amadeo

  1. How can you call yourself a beast?! You are a beautiful being inside and out.

    I do not blame Armand for giving himself to you eagerly. I would, whether I was a friend or lover. Especially if you desired it. Why not if you truly cared for said vampire.

    You say Armand could not live a normal life. Do you still believe it now at this day and age, if you to introduce your true nature to a trusted person? If you and I (a mortal woman) were close friends, and I knew of your nature, do you believe I could not live a normal life? Could I not attend daily tasks and have you in my life?

    Maybe Armand could have lived a “normal” mortal life whether you drank from each other or not. Especially IF he hadn’t encountered that Harlech fellow. He endangered his life and you as a lover went to save Armand the only way you knew how.

    I think the reaction to the blood varies with each individual. Or maybe the MAJORITY may have a negative reaction. Yes, you have been lucky with Armand; he has not been crazed by it. May i ask that you elaborate on “humans going mad with the mere taste of your blood”. Have they committed suicide? Craved it as a drug abuser would?

    The blood and its power is an interesting subject. I have had so many questions and opinions. I just either get so overwhelmed with what I would like to express to the point where I forget, or things just get jumbled in my head to the point where it would not come out right (so I asked the few that came out ok). Or even worry that it may be too much for you or simply too annoying or make you uncomfortable in some type of way.

    1. Armand gave himself to me eagerly, but then I gave myself over to him just the same. I tried to pretend that I was the Master of him and myself, strong of spirit and nature, but I was impossibly weak against him. Yes, that is called love, but love was always something elusive to me. As a man, I never got to experience the passionate love that mortals do because the one woman I had the potential to love was denied me. From there, I simply wandered and met plenty of men and women, but none I ever truly loved.

      One love in 1500 years? I was not as wise as I thought, and certainly naive in the ways of love.

      If a person were to merely know of my nature, I do not think madness would necessarily result. The problem really is the result of having vampire blood introduced and this magic is taken into the mortal body but not transformed. For one flash of time, the body is strong, the eyes see things as they have never seen before, the ears hear things with such clarify that the world is a beautiful roar, and this is like a drug. When you see Heaven on earth and become, in a way, a walking God, how can you return to simple mortality that is frail and weak by comparison? There is also something about it that I have never understood. I see the madness time and time again, but I do not understand what else might cause it. Yes, I have seen some commit suicide, or go mad and hurt others, or become deviants for the taste of blood, even mortal blood.

      I admit that I am selfish and I do not think I could have given Armand over to a mortal life. How could I have set him free? It would be like unleashing my heart into the world and being forever separated from it. I wonder if a normal mortal life was impossible for Armand because he was introduced to my preternatural world or more simply because he was deeply in love with me and would have loathed to be separate from me. That it was not about me as a vampire, but me as a man, as a person he loved with all of his heart.

      Let me end with an assurance and promise: You will never ask a question that offends me or makes me uncomfortable.

  2. It has been a while since I’ve read the story of Armand all the way through. Certain parts made me cry and filled me with sorrow, during those times I would have to put the book down and do something else to get my mind off of it. At other times I would skip a few pages because my impatience was overbearing. I wanted to know what happened next.

    What made you feel the shame the most when he questioned you about the lovemaking and all of his “why’s”? I mean you took care of his sexual desires as he aged from his boyhood into manhood, it seems you did the best you could. You can’t help the fact that you get your pleasure through another “type of intercourse”. And I see what you mean, in that vampires and mortals can only go so far with their intimacy together. Vampires and mortals have very different ways of making an intimate connection, and the contrast of it is fascinating.

    Perhaps I’m getting it all wrong, but it seems that your love was pure in a vampiric sense as his mortal love was for you. Even with the pleasure you both shared when he was mortal, sinful as it may appear to others, quite frankly I thought it was a beautiful thing because you both shared that sense of curiosity, devotion, desire, and love.

    So why wouldn’t you or any other vampire out there feel that hunger for one so beautiful in spirit, mind, and physicality?

    1. Armand was an innocent, even with all of his carnal experiences, and I loved this about him. He thought the way that young men do: with the body, and all things were gauged accordingly. He could not understand a love, a passionate love, that did not also include sexual intercourse. It made him wonder if I did not love him the same as he loved me. He came to know, of course, that I would have surely given into those flesh desires had I been capable. What we introduced was something just as pleasurable, but infinitely more intimate.

      I am glad that you are able to see the real essence in what Armand and I shared. He was not a mortal boy being preyed upon, and I was not some father abusing his authority upon a naive child. We were two people who were genuinely in love with each other, and I do not understand how this could be wrong. Is not the God of Love pure and sweet, no matter the guise that it takes?

      1. I see what you mean now, with Armand not understanding the passionate sex-less love… It is something that I feel doesn’t die with age in many of us mortals. There are plenty of mortals in their prime and older years even who still link “love” to sexual intercourse to secure the bond. Yourself and Armand went above and beyond that. It was an intimacy that went beyond the pleasures of flesh that we mortals often find ourselves lost in with one another. That’s why what you both shared intrigues me so, that a vampire and a mortal shared something special that very few ever discover. I mean generally speaking if a mortal found out that the man or woman they loved was a vampire who could rip out their spine as quickly as they could touch them affectionately, then the mortal lover might run for the hills and not even give the vampire respect as a living and feeling individual who can be loved and adored for just who they are. It was almost as if Armand saw the man that lived inside of the vampire so speak, the part of you that very few could ever see and love, and that discovery I find was just as passionate and beautiful in nature as the steamy bathtub part. -Smiles-

        Reading what you have described above puts into words what I couldn’t quite grasp when I’d read the novel. One can only learn so much from a book before questions rise up and wish to be answered, and I thank you for the fact that you describe the fine details so well.

        People, yes, two people who love each other in a way that some are just perhaps too ignorant to understand. You are both a part of this beautiful world we all live in, you love, you feel, you hurt, no matter your diet or bedtime.

        Yes, I’d say it is a lovely guise indeed.

        I don’t know if I’m wrong on this… and please correct me if I am, but it seemed as though Armand was a young man with a mind that went well beyond his age. Is this so?

        I wonder something else, when did Armand truly lose that innocence? I’m not talking about his sexual innocence of course, I’m talking about that inner sense of innocence. 🙂

        1. Armand was a special and confusing young man. I had always been certain of my “monstrous” nature, and felt myself somehow apart from human life and civilization. My love for Armand was a rare and special indulgence, but I never saw or felt myself to be human or like Armand. It was because of that awareness that I tried to keep myself somewhat aloof from him, and to shield my nature as I did with any other mortal. Yet I suppose love has a way at picking down barriers one brick at a time until I could not help but give myself and my nature over to him. There were times he was frightened of me or what it was that we did together, but that fear never superseded his love for me, or his passion for what it was we shared both emotionally and physically.

          You are right about his cleverness and intelligence. Armand was a boy too smart for his and my own good. A lot of what Armand knew about me, he guessed himself. Of course, I showed him the things he could never know, or secrets too well guarded to possibly know. Unfortunately for me, he guessed things correctly more often than not. Anything he did not understand were natural and logical confusions based on the fact that he could not conceive of inhuman things.

          I think Armand lost his innocence, a good portion of it, when he found himself taken from his family. After that, it was slowly chipped away at with his exposure to me and my nature.

  3. Oh how you love him! It is easy to see here. While I read, I could feel a sense of helplessness to Amadeo and the love the two of you shared. How could one deny something so powerful. He was yours and you were his. Such a pure love…

    What do you think is it about your world that draws us mortals to it? Or why some go mad because of it?

    1. It was pure love, and beautiful. Though what we shared was by no means conventional, it was never corrupt. Can someone who is not human have a perfectly human relationship? Sadly no, yet at the essence of it is the same love full of heart, desire, and sacrifice.

      In a superficial sense, we are beautiful and seductive. I think one once asked, “was no one ugly ever given the blood?” I wonder who this was…

      In any case, we are beautiful people, as we were in mortality. Yet our supernatural and preternatural… aura somehow accentuates our features.

      Aside from this, people long for the seduction. Is not the drinking of blood known as the vampire “kiss?”

      The blood also brings a new life to human perspective. With just a drop, the colors and sounds of the world come alive in a way no human can ever experience on their own. I see the minute details of everything, which is as maddening as it is beautiful. If I close my eyes and concentrate, I can hear Paris. A mortal who has some of my blood will open their eyes and see the world glimmer with life, with breath, and hear the whispers of people across the street. What a powerful and alluring spell it can be, to see the world as never before.

      1. Unfortunately my copy of The Vampire Armand was destroyed some years ago so I was not able to revisit it’s pages easily.  I felt a longing to read it again after your posts so I bought a new copy.  After reading some of what you mentioned from Armand’s point of view then again from yours was quite enjoyable for me.  I am sure I am like most that have read about what you two shared, in that I find my pulse has quickened a bit and I read ever faster.

        In a superficial sense, we are beautiful and seductive. I think one once asked, “was no one ugly ever given the blood?” I wonder who this was…

        I thought it was just good company and marvelous conversations that drew us in…but I guess being beautiful and seductive is good too.  Hmmm, yes I wonder who could have said that…

        Ah the “kiss” yes I suppose that would be seductive if done just right.  I always assumed drinking blood was called a vampires’ kiss because the act itself is so intimate not necessarily because of the seduction.  There again seduction on both sides must help lead to the intimacy of it.  When you think of it, which of us would not want to be in the arms of a real life Adonis happily giving what is desired from us.    

        On a side note when you gave Armand the name Amadeo was its meaning (loves God) intentional? 

        1. The sharing of blood has a lot of similarity to sex. There is an active and passive partner- the aggressor and the receiver. The invasion of the body by another. And then the fruition in the sharing of bodily fluids.

          Naming Armand “Amadeo” was entirely intentional, though I wasn’t making a personal statement. It was only that from the first moment I heard him he was praying to God for deliverance, and he had always had a secret place in his heart for God. When I found him, he felt cast aside and abandoned, left out the gleaming light of God. It was my way, always, of reminding him that he was most beloved.

  4. Dear Marius – I’m new to this website and I would like to express how much I enjoy it. I hope you’ll be able and willing to keep the good work up. Please do excuse my English, it is not my native language, but I’ve chosen to write to you in English as it is the language most of the visitors here will understand. The story of Armand was the first of the novels about your life and that of your immortal friends that I read. It was given to me by my first love and hence I do have a very special connection to the story. But it wasn’t Armand who caught my attention – it was you. And even though I have so much to say, so many things to ask – the explicit is alsways the most interisting. And especially this text about Armand from you is in some way inviting to ask these kind of questions. I hope you will forgive my boldness, but I followed the discussion here about sexual intercourse. I find the love you and Armand shared and the connection that derived from it which will always remain between you and him as fascinating as anyone here. I do understand that vampires gain the most ecstasy through blood and not through sexual intercourse. And of course they procreate through the exchange of blood and not like humans. However, aren’t you technically able to have intercourse? Armand mentiones more than once your errection which is all you really need, is it not? Putting the feeling aside. Additionally, Pandora, in her novel, describes the first day as a vampire with you. You two were in the coffin and she requested from you to “fill her” (sorry, I do not have the English edition, so this is not a true quotation, but only my translation) and she wrote that you “obeyed” and that her and your body were connected through your “steril organ, that did not mean anything anymore”. Again, I’m terribly sorry to bother you with this, on the other hand, you’re Roman and shouldn’t feel ashamed about anything that is connected to sexuality really. And I’m merely curious because it’ been such a huge discussion over the years – can they, can’t they? I hope you allow me to ask deeper question in another night…For now, all the best and thank you again for this brilliant opportunity to make contact, Hannah

    1. Thank you so much for coming here to speak with me, Hannah. I hope that I give you reason to return time and time again.

      Never feel as if anything you could say or ask would offend me. I am neither shy nor modest, and so you need not worry about that boundaries. As always, this is a place of honesty, revelation, and discussion.

      I believe the confusion about erection and my hardness is in that Armand said that, upon touching me, I was hard. This is misleading. My natural state is “hard,” and I do not mean erect. My body feels like stone, and so too would my penis. Just as my arm does, my leg does, or any muscle on my body. It is not the sort a man gets from sexual arousal. Though since it is indeed hard, I can use it. And, as a matter of fact, I can direct blood flow to there (it tends to be a power of age). The truth is, I can direct the blood flow in anyone’s body, so I can give myself a full erection if I wanted it. Yet I would not derive sexual fulfillment from it.

  5. Salve Marius, it’s Caterina. Sorry that it has been a while since I last commented on a post. Long semester. Stressful life. In sum, sorry that I have not commented in a while. I love reading this post, in fact, I love everything that you write (how could I not???). I do have one question for you though; you stated:

    “Even given the frankly sinful nature of our later love, Armand was an innocent. Sadly, boys become men and they lose this innocence and give it over to heady and immediate pleasures.”

    What in your opinion is innocence? How is one innocent and untainted? What makes a person lose their innocence?

    I’m just curious, as always.

    -Cat

    1. I suppose there are varying interpretations of innocence. There is virginity, which is removed once a young person experiences physical intimacy with another. Some people are innocent of the world around them, be they naive, inexperienced, enclosed, or optimistic. Then there is the spiritual innocence of those who love God and stay faithful to his presence no matter what befalls them in misfortune.

  6. I guess I never compared the sharing of blood and sex before but I can see your logic in both the physical similarities and the pleasure. When you drink from someone is their mind completely open to you even if they are veiled normally?

    When I found him, he felt cast aside and abandoned, left out the gleaming light of God. It was my way, always, of reminding him that he was most beloved.

    I know then how he felt. When I was younger I experienced some of the same feelings of abandonment and unworthiness as he did. However I was not lucky enough to have someone like you to lift me up. ( I am ok now, my scars have healed.) I think that is why I identified so much with him in the past. He seemed like a brother or a close friend to me.

    In regards to what you wrote to Hannah…you can control the blood flow in other people as well? Both mortal and immortal alike? I can see now what you mean, that we mortals are not able to handle that amount of power. If I had that power I don’t think I could be trusted with it… my inner Lestat might come back to the surface.

    1. I guess I never compared the sharing of blood and sex before but I can see your logic in both the physical similarities and the pleasure. When you drink from someone is their mind completely open to you even if they are veiled normally?

      It is open to me, and only revealed as much as I choose. Even in moments of intimacy, I think it intrusive to delve too deeply into a mind uninvited. Humans and nonhumans are entitled to privacy and secrets. The mutual sharing of minds transcends physical pleasure, and so it must be carefully nurtured and respected.

      I know then how he felt. When I was younger I experienced some of the same feelings of abandonment and unworthiness as he did. However I was not lucky enough to have someone like you to lift me up. ( I am ok now, my scars have healed.) I think that is why I identified so much with him in the past. He seemed like a brother or a close friend to me.

      Do the scars ever fully heal, or do you just come to terms with their presence?

      In regards to what you wrote to Hannah…you can control the blood flow in other people as well? Both mortal and immortal alike? I can see now what you mean, that we mortals are not able to handle that amount of power. If I had that power I don’t think I could be trusted with it… my inner Lestat might come back to the surface.

      I count mankind as fortunate that the power resides largely in the hands, or mind, of those who don’t abuse it. I can only imagine what Lestat would do in some circumstances if he had more power than he does. For a human, the pressure causes an explosion– it is really quite messy. With a vampire, the blood is different. Rather than blow the immortal into pieces, as would happen with a human, they light on fire and burn to ashes.

  7. I am interested in watching
    how the vibrations of your soul instantly echo in our souls.
    How your emotions give birth to emotions inside us.
    I like the way you write about your and Armand intimacy –
    erotically and gently.
    You can write a single word or phrase and imagination supplements
    what you did not express like a puzzle.
    How can a man write so sensually?
    Perhaps this is rhetorical question.
    Only “a secret dreamer, a wanter, with a heart that is full of life and desire”
    can write like this.

    Sometimes it seems to me
    that I see the hidden meaning between the lines.
    But most likely it’s a false sense.
    I probably think so, because I often do so by myself.

    1. Perhaps a man can only think so deeply when he is no longer a man, and rather is a being given endless number of nights to reflect and truly think. To think in a way that most humans are incapable of not because they are inferior, but because there are far more immediate concerns of mortality than the complex expression of the soul. But I have to tell you that it brings me immense pleasure to know that you value my words, and the consideration I put in every word committed to this page.

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