Bianca was a contradiction. She was in one a tender young woman, almost overwhelmingly innocent and sweet. In the other, she possessed the masterful elegance of a woman, and an intelligence that comes only through experience. She concealed her bruised heart well, and all the while entertained her admiring company as if she carried in her no dark secrets. So skilled was she at her own illusion that no one but me could see through the layers of mask that she wore. Though her company and conversation welcomed the company of countless men, she let no one behind the mask but me, and then later Amadeo.
I understand that she did so because she could sense that I too held within me my own dark secrets, and in our deception there was a comforting kinship. It was only to someone with a soul so much like my own that I could grow close to. It had been centuries since I had truly felt love for another. Indeed, I might have even loved her from mere word alone long before I even came to know her name. And, by no real charm on my part, she began to love me in return. Together we were both masters of our deadly secrets.
I know that it was true and sincere love that we felt. Bianca loved me as a monster and as a man, though of course the two have never been separate. She adored my extravagant nature. She knew how to calm my anger. Even when my beloved Bianca could not kiss me, could not touch me, she remained by my side as devoted as ever. And when she could, Bianca pressed her beautiful and unstained lips to my burnt flesh with nothing but complete love and passion. Underneath the seeming fickleness of youth and beauty she had within her a fierce and unconditional love for me.
I have never in my life been able to speak to anyone as honestly and as openly as I did her. The sweetness in her heart and the love in her eyes broke all barriers that I had kept between me and others, even Pandora who has always judged me harshly. Impassable walls seemed superficial things when her smiles brought me so much comfort. My words and stories charmed her so completely that I wanted to give her every memory of mine just to see her dazzle the room with another smile. I needed them.
Our parting remains one of my deepest regrets, for I understand with the wisdom of hindsight that she was true to me. I know how I wronged her.
Even now I wonder if she thinks about me and if she replays all of my mistakes and sins against her in her thoughts. I wonder, too, if that is what keeps us apart. It was not my intention to ever hurt her, but in pain I was selfish and thoughtless. I do hope to find her willing to listen and talk with me some night, and perhaps have her put peace into my own guilty yet redeemable heart.