Did I ever love Mael? Or really, even like him?
Sometimes I think that I did, long ago, and still do, but at other times I feel nothing but hate for him such that I know I have always felt this for him.
I blame him with good cause, though it is true that he also blames me for the many misfortunes that has befallen him. I find it irritating that he so readily sheds himself of any responsibility in our entwining fates. Yet in pure hearts, good intention seems faultless. Is Mael entirely pure of heart, though? I believe in some aspect, long ago, his intentions were. Does that justify what he took from me? Never. There are things for which I can never forgive him, yet I do Understand that with his actions he gave me so much more than he comprehends.
Yes, part of me wants to punish him for what he did to me, but I cannot for the years we spent together as companions. Rash and ignorant as Mael is, he is worthy of trust. He has never betrayed me. Beneath his brutish personality and eternal barbarism is a certain wisdom that I have come to respect. Nothing has truly separated Mael from his sense of the world, and with his connection to the most basic of nature.
We have shared so much, and seen so much of the world together. Time has passed quickly, yet vital moments belong to Mael, Avicus, and Me. He is one of the only two living creatures who knew me as a man. In the last days of my mortality, when I felt death was soon to come, Mael would visit me and tell me what a gift it was that I was to be given. To be an immortal God was a gift beyond measure. I was miserable and full of hate then, but I now realise that he spoke with true sincerity. The way his eyes clouded and teared when he told me of the God I would become filled me with merciless anger and misery then, but now I know that he only said what was in his heart.
A gift. I suppose it suffices to say that what I am now is entirely due to Mael. Yet I owe him no thanks.